Friday, May 4, 2012

A scene from the dinner table...

I always wondered why that cartoon was called "Family Circus".  3 years after the birth of our first child and I no longer wonder.  The craziest part of our day is usually at the dinner table.   Over the past 3 years we have slowly created a few simple table rules.   

1.  You must wear some article of clothing at table, preferably covering top and bottom but we will take what we can.
2.  Do not pretend to vomit, gag or die after the first bite.
3.  If you need to use the bathroom, leave the table to do so.
4.  You get what you get unless Momma discovers mold on the main ingredients post-cooking.  In such a case, she takes full responsibility and will make you something else. 

 Somehow it has fallen on me to be the sole chef of the circus feeding two of the worlds pickiest eaters.  Food is always on their mind.   D often asks in the morning what we will be having that night wanting to know what will fill each section of her divided plate.  My my hubby emails me at work to ask the same.  I am a little resentful knowing that between the hours of 5pm and 6 pm I will be standing in front of the refrigerator doing my best Martha Stewart impression for the next 2 decades.  Now I know why my mom "forgot" how to cook when both her children left home.  I am a firm believer in the "you get what you get" mantra, but easier said then done when you are cooking for a 3 yr old and a 30-something who calls hot dogs his favorite food. In an attempt to clean out the fridge last nights menu consisted of leftover chicken for the grown-ups and chicken nuggets for the kiddo.  Apparently, my family has much higher standards than this.  Here's a glimpse at last nights dinner conversation...

D & Hubby each staring at their plates in horror: What is this?
Me: Seriously?! It's chicken.
D: Does it have pepper on it?
Me: Do I normally put pepper on your food, D?
D takes a bite: Eww, this is disgusting!
Hubby takes a bite: Ugh! I am gagging! I am going to throw up, this tastes like rubber.
Hubby gets up and throws his food away.
D: Can I throw my food away?
Me: NO!
Hubby: I'm eating a hot dog, where are the hot dog rolls?
Me: I forgot them at the store.
Hubby: What are you a communist? Who eats hot dogs without hot dog rolls?
D: I think I'm going to throw up because there is pepper on my chicken nuggets!
Me: THAT'S IT!  We are playing the silent dinner table game, the first person to talk loses.  Ready, set, go!
2 seconds pass.....
D: What can I have for snack?
Me: No snack unless you eat your dinner!
Hubby: Ha, ha, losers!  I win!
   

In the end, D had 3 strawberries and a glass of milk for dinner and my hubby had communist hot dogs.  Take that, Martha!  As I look down the road towards at least 18 more years of making dinner  for these picky eaters I know there will be more"leftovers nights" and games of "silent dinner table" in our future.  This leads to a new rule: Losers do the dishes.

 
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22 comments:

  1. This made me laugh out loud. For real out loud, as in I startled the dog out of his snoring. Oh, I feel for you, I really do...but it's just so FUNNY. I'm so sorry. You can come have supper with me. I'm not a great cook, but at least I won't be gagging and I'll be wearing clothes. Well, most of the time.

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    1. I will be there....and I eat anything including communist hot dogs and peppered chicken nuggets. Glad I could make you laugh :)

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  2. Oh you poor dear. Will telling them to cook their own dinners work? (Sans awaiting hot dogs.)

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    1. My husband considers potato chips a vegetable, so I would rather not. Instead I will cook and complain and they will continue to throw things away...not ideal but makes for good blogging!

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  3. picky eaters live here as well. you get what you get or you make yourself something else..pbj, bowl of cereal etc.

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  4. Without chicken the picky eaters in my house would starve...I'm glad we aren't alone--I peel bananas and call 'em dinner many nights:)

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    1. We haven't done a banana dinner yet, but then D will only eat them if they are perfectly ripe so it sounds more stressful than its worth!

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  5. I hate trying to figure out what to fix for dinner. When you ask them what they want you get the "I dunno, something". Well I've been up and down the aisles of several grocery stores and I have yet to see a box, bag, or jug labeled "something".

    For a while I had a white board on the fridge and the night before I would write the next days dinner (sometimes I even remembered to pull the meat out of the freezer) it helped, until the oldest started using it to draw graffiti.

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    1. For some reason the "something" I pick never seems to be the right one!

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  6. Awesomely funny. I've had more dinnertime fights than I care to remember. I like your attitude. And communist hotdogs? Good one.

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    1. Attitude and wine- my keys to survival!

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  7. So funny! haha
    My kids all come in the kitchen when I start cooking dinner and spend their time telling me how nasty the food I'm making is.
    I just keep on cooking and say this is for dinner - eat it or not - I don't care.

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    1. So you feel my pain! You have the right attitude!

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  8. Thank you for the laugh - i don't feel so bad about my cooking anymore!

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    1. Thanks for commenting, glad you enjoyed the post!

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  9. Very funny. Toast and cereal go a long way in our house.

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  10. Hahhhaha. Sounds like Hubby isn't setting the best example...

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  11. Communist hotdogs. Hilarious.

    My 2.5 year old's request after rejecting more meals than I care to count, is for "Somecookies". "Somecookies" is usually then repeated a dozen or two times. He rarely receives them.

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  12. This was hilarious!
    Oh my word, I LOVED your rules! I love how you have to specify that some form of clothing must be worn.
    Awesome.

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