I always wondered why that cartoon was called "Family Circus". 3 years after the birth of our first child and I no longer wonder. The craziest part of our day is usually at the dinner table. Over the past 3 years we have slowly created a few simple table rules.
1. You must wear some article of clothing at table, preferably covering top and bottom but we will take what we can.
2. Do not pretend to vomit, gag or die after the first bite.
3. If you need to use the bathroom, leave the table to do so.
4. You get what you get unless Momma discovers mold on the main ingredients post-cooking. In such a case, she takes full responsibility and will make you something else.
Somehow it has fallen on me to be the sole chef of the circus feeding two of the worlds pickiest eaters. Food is always on their mind. D often asks in the morning what we will be having that night wanting to know what will fill each section of her divided plate. My my hubby emails me at work to ask the same. I am a little resentful knowing that between the hours of 5pm and 6 pm I will be standing in front of the refrigerator doing my best Martha Stewart impression for the next 2 decades. Now I know why my mom "forgot" how to cook when both her children left home. I am a firm believer in the "you get what you get" mantra, but easier said then done when you are cooking for a 3 yr old and a 30-something who calls hot dogs his favorite food. In an attempt to clean out the fridge last nights menu consisted of leftover chicken for the grown-ups and chicken nuggets for the kiddo. Apparently, my family has much higher standards than this. Here's a glimpse at last nights dinner conversation...
D & Hubby each staring at their plates in horror: What is this?
Me: Seriously?! It's chicken.
D: Does it have pepper on it?
Me: Do I normally put pepper on your food, D?
D takes a bite: Eww, this is disgusting!
Hubby takes a bite: Ugh! I am gagging! I am going to throw up, this tastes like rubber.
Hubby gets up and throws his food away.
D: Can I throw my food away?
Hubby: I'm eating a hot dog, where are the hot dog rolls?
Me: I forgot them at the store.
Hubby: What are you a communist? Who eats hot dogs without hot dog rolls?
D: I think I'm going to throw up because there is pepper on my chicken nuggets!
Me: THAT'S IT! We are playing the silent dinner table game, the first person to talk loses. Ready, set, go!
2 seconds pass.....
D: What can I have for snack?
Me: No snack unless you eat your dinner!
Hubby: Ha, ha, losers! I win!
In the end, D had 3 strawberries and a glass of milk for dinner and my hubby had communist hot dogs. Take that, Martha! As I look down the road towards at least 18 more years of making dinner for these picky eaters I know there will be more"leftovers nights" and games of "silent dinner table" in our future. This leads to a new rule: Losers do the dishes.
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