Friday, April 27, 2012

We're Not Young

Enjoy those 30's folks.....go to dinner parties, schedule prostate exams and start a blog....

Thanks for sharing, Chefette!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Enter Sandman

When is the last time you slept?  Oh, last night you got a full 8 hours?  Well la-di-da and freaking congratulations.  While you are feeling rested and refreshed I am walking around in a zombie-like state with dark circles under my eyes that leave me looking like I got in a bar fight.   Wait? Bar? Did someone say bar? That sounds lovely, except if I went to a bar that would mean I would have to take a shower, get dressed and put on makeup. Frankly, I am just too stinking tired for all of that. Instead I will sit here in my Sporty Spice getup (elastic waistbands are my friend) sipping wine from a Dora cup while avoiding any shiny, reflective objects in which I may see myself.  "Sipping wine, Monkey Momma?! It's only 9:15 AM!".  Well, I like to keep you guessing.  Maybe I am, maybe I am not......but do you really think I am naturally this funny?

6 weeks in and Ms. S has started to show her personality.  She is a happy baby with the most infectious smile.....until she wants to eat or sleep.  Time to eat and she is screaming like a banshee.  Trying to fall asleep she is not happy unless she is snuggled up to you like a pig in a blanket.  Now, this is not atypical of a newborn and I am not complaining.  D, well that kid is brimming with three year old personality. Thank God three only lasts a year.  She wakes up no less than four times a night with some urgent need.  For example:  "My blanket is wrinkled."  "My bandaid fell off."  Really, the sensation of a freaking bandaid falling off woke you up?!? Tomorrow night it will be, "I can feel my hair growing!" at 3 am.  I LOVE these kids and I thank them for the blogging material they have given me.  The dark circles and scrambled brain?  Eh, not so much.  Lack of sleep has led me to do some ridiculous, embarrassing things over the past few weeks leaving me to question my sanity. Luckily, we all need to be a bit insane to raise children and I am right on track.

Monkey Momma's Moments of Mental Instability

1.  Mailing thank you cards the other day I could not remember which side of the envelope to put the stamp on.  Seriously, I held the stamp over the right then the left side eyeing it up and trying to determine where it looked correct.  Maybe it was so hard because I could only hold one eye open? After making what I felt was the appropriate choice,  I was lucky enough to be able to peel the stamp off the left side and put it on the right without ripping the envelope. 

2.  Taking the girls out the other day I checked no less than 7 times to make sure I had them both in the car.  I just kept feeling like I was forgetting something important, you know, like a kid.  Fortunately, I did not forget a kid but I did forget a nipple on the bottle which cut our trip short when Syd decided she was hungry.

3.  When said nipple was forgotten I did wonder if I could use a straw to feed my newborn but stopped myself.

4.  I forgot how to get to my house.  I really did.  Driving home the other day I made a wrong turn in my neighborhood.  Where the hell was I going? I have no clue but we took 2 wrong turns and the scenic route through the neighborhood.  D never even realized as she was belting out Harry Belafonte in the back seat. 

5.  During a marathon feeding of Syd I found myself listening to Bonnie Rait.  Who the hell turned on  the Soft Hits DirectTV music channel and why was  I listening to "Black Velvet"?  Was my mom controlling the remote from a hidden spot in my house? My only saving grace is that it wasn't Honky Tonk Tavern because that would be reason for intervention.

6.  Waiting in line at Wal-Mart (the place where I fit in unshowered and makeup-free) I see this guy checking me out.  He was under the age of 60, had all of his teeth and wasn't wearing overalls so I was all for it.   "Yeah, Monkey Momma!", I thought feeling thoroughly impressed with myself.  I go home and look in the mirror to assess the fine specimen known as myself only to make a horrid discovery. A. trail. of. spit-up. From the shoulder down the back of my black shirt.  The only way that guy was checking me out was if he has a sick fascination with crusty, regurgitated formula and should be on an episode of My Strange Addiction with the guy who makes out with his car.   Syd's digestive system: 1 Self-esteem: -6

7. I wrote a grocery list that read like this:

Conditioner
Strawberries
Milk
Batteries
Stuff to put sandwiches on


Way to go, Einstein!  Did you mean bread? I heard you can even by that stuff pre-sliced now! 


Now that you are concerned for my mental health I am off to drink my 3rd cup of coffee, replace my Diet Coke IV and play with Sydney.  I don't even have to rock her thanks to the caffeine jitters. 


I got a little link happy this week, click 'em if you want.  If  there is only one link you click make it this one- yeah write.  Visit, read and vote for some awesome bloggers!


 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A killer playlist and one cool kid

Full moon? Stars aligned? Pigs flying?  I'm not sure which but something created a killer playlist on Pandora today.  And really, how often does that happen?  You know there is always a song you have to skip over or that leaves you scratching your head wondering how The Beastie Boys ended up in the Taylor Swift playlist.  Please note: I am not speaking from personal experience...I would never have a Taylor Swift playlist and would personally call Mike D. to report this heinous crime if I even got wind of such a thing happening.

So picture this: The sun is shining and D, S and I are cruising along in the Mom-mobile.  The windows are down the D appropriate 1/4 inch (A required safety practice since that time D decided to see if Goodnight Moon would bounce off the windshield of the car next to us while traveling on the highway.) and The Laurie Berkner Band playlist is blaring.  Wait you don't know who Laurie Berkner is?  If you have ever seen Nick, Jr. she's that bouncy (read annoying) redhead musician who sings about bumblebees, dinosaurs and spaghetti.  If you haven't seen Nick, Jr- come on over and we will introduce you (and give you a beer to ease the pain).  D has had a music crush on Laurie and her band for 2 years.  Last summer we went to see The Laurie Berkner Band in concert (No tailgating, but I did yell "Free Bird" during the show.) and "The Best of the Laurie Berkner Band" has been D's bedtime music for a year straight.  Yes, I know I exaggerate but this time I swear I am not.  The same disc has been in her CD player for at least a year and I wake up simultaneously singing the songs"We are the dinosaurs- marching, marching!"  and wanting to gauge my eyes out.

Now that I have set the scene and given you a little LBB knowledge, back to the playlist and the incredibly cool conversation which ensued.   After a few LBB songs,  "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson comes on.  If you know me you know Jack Johnson is my celebrity cheat and my husband has a man crush on him.   In other words, we play a lot of him in this house.  3 notes in and D says "What's Jack Johnson doing on here?".   Seriously, Rain  Man do you work for Shazaam?  Next up, "Jump in the Line" by Harry Belafonte begins and looking puzzled she asks "Who is this?".  I answer and she says, "Oh! He sings Day-O on The Muppets." That's right, we make her watch old episodes of The Muppet Show and look at what she learned!  How many 3 year olds do you know that can identify Harry Belafonte?!  Now she just needs to watch Beetlejuice for the freaking awesome "Jump in the Line" scene.  Last song before our car trip ends?  "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley. And what do I have to do?  Turn it up to hear over D belting it out.  Ever heard your little one sing in her sweet, innocent voice "Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing's gonna be alright!"?  PRICELESS!  A proud moment in parenting when you realize your kid is badass.  

Now, if she could just forget the words to "Moves Like Jagger" before I get in trouble with daycare.

P.S.- The links are back.  Don't forget to click them and visit  yeah write to check out the new "Hangout Grid" for those of us who like to write, read and share without the pressure of a competition.