Out of the mouth of monkey...

The following is a collection of Delaneyisms from this weeks snow days. Enjoy!

-Sitting on the potty, Delaney points to mole on her belly and say "Look Mommy!  It's my nipple! Let me see your nipples!"

-I ask Delaney if she wants to go out in the snow, to which she responds  "No, its too cold.  I just a little girl.  It's too cold for little girls."

-Sitting at the dinner table and Michael Jackson comes on the radio.... "Mommy! You better tell Michael Jackson to get out here and eat dinner!".

-In our attempts to get rid of the pacifier Delaney may only have it when she goes to bed.  She is constantly trying to get her hands on one during the day..."I want binky!" "You are a big girl, what do you need binky for?"  "MY MOUTH!".  

-2 yr. old speech= "Sleeping Booty" instead of Sleeping Beauty

-In response to me singing along with the car radio, "Shhh Mommy! I sleeping!".  Hmm... nice way to tell me to be quiet kiddo!

 -Delaney ate green watercolor paint and an eye-opening diaper experience ensued.  I will spare the details, but can tell you that if you ask Delaney what happens when you eat green paint she responds "GREEN POOP!" quite proudly.

-Always the sharer and having recently discovered nose picking Delaney sticks her finger in her nose, pulls it out and says "Here Mommy, want some?".  Following my reaction I am not sure she will ever share with me again. 

AND MY FAVORITE..........

-Always the studious 2 yr. old, I found Delaney in the bathroom "reading" Adam's copy of the Constitution (yes, we own a pocket-sized copy of the Constitution!). Her father was so proud!

Big girls do cry...

I am not embarrassed to admit I am a crier.  Birth, death, marriage, life in general makes me cry.  It just makes me feel better.  However, nothing prepared me for the many reasons I would cry as a parent.  Here's a short list: adoration, frustration, defeat, humiliation, embarrassment, love, fear, anger, happiness. I could list hundreds more, but there is breakfast to be made.  

 I think  I experienced at least five of these yesterday, particularly defeat.   Luckily today is a new day and I already cried this morning.  Why?  Because monkey asked me to paint her fingernails pink and when I was done she said "Thank you, Mommy! I love them the most".  Maybe I should add lunacy to the list?

One fence climbing dog and a missing barrette

Wow! What a day!  We woke up this morning and decided to head to Delaware Children's Museum, one of our favorite indoor activities.   Great plan, right?   Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Nah, in all honesty it was a great plan.  Just some bumps in the road to getting there.  As we were about to leave we discovered that  LWD (little white dog a.k.a. Chloe) was missing.  Yup, once again she decided to climb the fence and go on an adventure around the neighborhood.  Pretty sure my neighbors cringe every time they have to hear me bellowing "CCCHHHLLLLOOOOEEEE!  CCCHHHLLLLOOOOEEEE! Where are you?" out the front door.  But, seriously the dog CLIMBS the fence?!?  Adam ended up having to go hunting for her.  Lucky dog because I was going to let her spend the day with nature.... 

We finally make it out the door, after an argument with our future fashionista over her pants ("THEY TOO BIG!") and her coat ("NO I DON'T WANT THIS ONE!") and were on our way....kind of...  About 2 blocks away from our house D starts making a choking noise in the backseat.  I turn around and she has her fingers shoved down her throat and no barrette in her hair.  Uh oh!  Where did the barrette go?  And the dialogue is as follows:

"Delaney, where is your barrette?"
"I threw it in the toy basket" (sitting on the car seat)
"It's in the basket?"
"No, I ate it!"
"You ate the barrette?!? Is it in your belly?"
"Yes!"

Adam and I look at each other in bewilderment.  Did she really eat it?  Does she understand what I am talking about? Deep breathe, count to 10 and try again...

"Delaney, did you put the barrette in your mouth and eat it like food?"
"No!"
"Did aliens swoop down and steal your barrette?"
"Yes! Aliens eat my barrette!"
"The aliens ate your barrette?"
"No, Delaney eat the barrette!"
"You ate it?!?"
"No!"

Great, now we have no clue where the barrette is.  We searched the car and no barrette. No more choking though and D seemed fine, so off to DCM we go.....

Several hours and a great trip to DCM later, still no barrette.  Here's hoping the aliens bring it back, we lose those things all the time!

Today's word, boys and girls, is SERIOUSLY.

So I am wondering how many times a day I use the word seriously or some derivative.  If I had to guess I would say at least 20 times a day.  It's one of those words that perfectly fits every situation, for example "Seriously, did you just put that pencil up your nose?", "Are you serious?", "Stop laughing, I am being very serious!"  or my favorite just "SERIOUSLY?!?!"  Seriously, I love this word!  It expresses exactly what I am thinking at all times!  If you have never tried it, just listen to how well it works.  Alright, I will give you a minute, go ahead and say it out loud, throw it in a sentence, put it before your child's name (Seriously, Delaney!?).  You love it don't you? It's addictive isn't it?  Still don't believe me? Seriously, here is an example...

I was going to count how many times I use this word tomorrow, but I seriously think we are going to have a snow day.  Guess it will wait until Monday! I will keep you posted. 

P.S. 9 Followers?! Remember, ladies and gentleman, when the time comes DON'T DRINK THE KOOL-AID!  Although, it will probably be spiked with tequila....no seriously...it will...

Serious count for this post: 10

A Snow Day in the Life...

If you are not a teacher , you may not know that the people who most look forward to snow days are TEACHERS, not students.  I slept off and on last night- in between checking my school's website for the words "Schools are CLOSED for 10 month staff and students." encased in a bright red box under the masthead.  At 5:22 AM my wish was granted and I discovered I hadn't turned my pj's inside out for nothing. Hooray!  

 Not wanting to waste the day I decided today would be a potty training day.  That could ( and probably will) be a post in and of itself.  Delaney is constantly giving me a rundown of all things bathroom-related so I figured we would give it a try.  After a 5 minute discussion on underwear, who wears them and why she finally was off and running.  2 hours and several failed attempts later D peed on the living room floor.  Break out the Resolve and new undies.  Following a diapered nap, she peed on me and the couch.  Why no rubber pants you ask?  I thought I was above them ......my line of thinking has changed.

We did dance to Beyonce and Avril Lavigne (Just Dance 2 for Wii), have a tea party, paint and watch Sleeping Beauty.  Oh, and Delaney learned how to use chapstick (its great for mohawks) and perfected her evil laugh (Bwah, ha, ha, ha!).  So, thank you Snow Gods for giving me this day with my monkey!

P.S. 7 followers!?  Woo! Hoo! 

Top 5

In honor of the new year..

"The Top 5 Things I  Never Thought I Would Have to Say in 2010"

1. Don't drink out of the toilet. 

2. You can't eat yogurt with a box on your head.

3. We don't touch poop- your own or anyone else's.

4. Please stop asking people if they are naked, it's not polite. 

5. I am not sure what Michael Jackson is having for breakfast.

Seriously, these are all experiences I have had with Delaney (age 2) over the past year.  Would I want it any other way? No, absolutely not!  Do I sometimes wonder if there is a hidden camera following me around?  YES!  


 

Stay tuned...

....I have finally made it to the blogging world.  I am sure many will be happy as they will no longer receive my daily emails with what I consider to be funny tidbits of my life.  Instead,  I will put it here and require that you visit the blog if you want your laugh.  Stay tuned...