Thursday, May 10, 2012

The inner workings of my D's brain...

Over the past few days there have been a few "Delaneyisms" which have helped me understand the inner workings of D's brain (hence the post title).  This rare glimpse in to her head has helped me realize a few things about my daughter.

1.  She has an impressive vernacular for a 3 year old.  
2.  She appreciates a good fart joke, just like her father.
3.  Her brain never stops working meaning I will have many a parent-teacher conference. 
4. In case I don't share it enough, I love this kid because she is freaking awesome.

Here is what she has come up with this week.

- Upon returning home from errands I immediately put on pajama pants.  I had spent most of the day feeling like a sausage stuffed in its casing in my too-tight pants and they had to go.  Trying to stay a little classy I kept my nice shirt on.  D checks me out and says "Mom! You look so weird with your daytime shirt and your pajama pants on!".

How nice of you to notice kiddo!  At least I don't look "ridiculous" like you said I did in our wedding picture.

- D: "Mom, how old are you?"
 Me: "32"
 D: "Really? You look like you are 33."
MonkeyMomma Self Esteem: 0  D:2

- If you read about the recent events at the G dinner table you know that D models Daddy.  If you know Daddy then you know we have a lot of bathroom humor in our house.  If this offends you, you should stop reading now.  Me? It makes me laugh that she inherently knows bathroom humor is funny and inappropriate which makes it even funnier.

Somehow passing gas in our house has become referred to as "blowing your horn".  I DID NOT come up with this, Daddy did. Lucky for you this is not a post on the inner workings of Daddy's brain.  So, every time she hears a "toot" she exclaims with glee "That was Daddy/me/S/Mommy's horn!  Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!".  I have to admit it's pretty funny, except for when she thinks I am blowing my horn in the grocery store while pushing a squeaky cart.  Here she admonishes me "It is not nice to toot your horn at the grocery store.".  Really?!? Do you want me to run down the list of your grocery store infractions?  Screaming like a banshee, picking your nose and that one time you peed in the cart just to name a few.

-In the tub D laughs "Ha! Ha! That was my horn!"  Then she starts to frantically look around her for a few seconds.  Looking at me with relief she says "Whew! I thought I pooped in here!".  Well, I speak on behalf of your infant sister in the bath sling next to you and myself when I say we are glad you did not. 

-Hubby- "Honey, do you want to go to dinner at chain restaurant A or chain restaurant B?
D- "I want to go to B, Adam.".

HUH?!?! I think he was talking to me, kiddo!  And the name is Daddy, please stop referring to us by our first names it's just strange.  Almost as strange as telling your teacher you are having contractions.

-D went for her first big haircut at my salon this week.  Getting out of the car she takes one look at the place and exclaims "Wow!  This place looks like it costs lost of money, Mommy!".  Talking to your Dad again, huh? 

-Every night at bedtime we name our "favorite part" and our "stinky part" of our day.  Putting D to bed the day of our salon trip D states that her favorite part of the day was "going to the bathroom at the haircut place".  Interesting! You mean when I had to get out of the chair with my half-cut, dripping head of hair and walk you to the bathroom where you admired everything including the paper towels only so you would stop screeching "I need to poop!" in the salon with the muted lighting and soft music?  Oh yeah, that was my favorite part of the day, too.  How could I forget?

Fortunate for us, we think S is going to be an early talker......

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