This is going to be a post about my husband who would kill me if I used his real name. Let's think of a new one, shall we? Hmmm.. What do I think of when I think of the love of my life and father of my children.....Miller! From here on out it will be Miller, believe me he will appreciate the reference.
In our house June is better known as "The Month of Miller". The 6th month of the year marks Miller's birthday, our wedding anniversary and the special holiday on which he is recognized for being the "big daddy" of our house (thanks to D for the nickname!). To honor Miller I decided to write a post about him.
35 years ago this month, Miller was welcomed to the world. During this time he has suffered several concussions, sparked a hazmat scare and honed his sarcasm on men, women and small children.
March of this year we celebrated the 10th anniversary of our first date. Actually, it is the anniversary of our second date but we call it our first because the real first involved St. Patrick's Day, Irish car bombs, homemade puffy paint t-shirts and a drinking binge that started at 8am. Since I only have a Guinness-tinted recollection of that first date in which I am amazingly sober after 12+ hours of drinking Miller prefers that we consider the next date our first. I don't understand why, that first one was freaking awesome. Anyway, back to that first/second date. He picked my up from my apartment (in a neighborhood he later told me he was afraid to drive into?!?), took me to an expensive restaurant, ate grilled calamari despite his hot dog loving palate and drank beer out of glass to impress me. What's a girl not to love?
Somehow Miller snagged me and we dated for 6 years. It was not the other way around, contrary to popular belief. We lived together for most of these 6 years and did all of those cute things couples do. We had dinner parties, deck parties, New Year's Eve parties, going away parties and "hey its a day that ends in y" parties. Most of these resulting in me sleeping on a floor, attempting to rap or toilet papering the inside of the house while Miller cleaned up the empties and made sure everyone had a ride home. What a catch!
After 6 years we were married, adding a second celebration to the Month of Miller. Yes, of course it was a very special day, beautiful setting, etc. etc. But, more importantly we had an open bar, a dance line, a hot dog machine and some cake in the face smashing. All in all....AMAZING!
1 and 1/2 years later we had become a family of three and Miller got to add Father's Day to his Month of Miller festivities. A day that must include golf, beer and hot dogs. He is a simple man with simple taste I tend to cater to.
Fast forward to today and Miller is preparing to celebrate being a father to 2 monkeys, the big 3-5 and our 5th wedding anniversary.
To the man who has given me his all, cleaned up that time I toilet papered the inside of the house and been an amazing father to our children I have one thing to say..............It's Miller Time! Happy Month of Miller, baby!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Glimpse of a Nightmare
Mommmmmyyyyyyy!
Mommmmmyyyyyy!
It sounds like its coming from a tunnel, but know its much closer. The fog of sleep fades and realization creeps in....it's happened again....ANOTHER NIGHTMARE. Rip the covers off, run up the stairs.
The Sea Witch, Mommy! She has Ursula and Sleeping Beauty! She is going to get me, too! Help me, Mommy! Help me!
Wipe her sweet, sweaty face. Rub her back and kiss her cheek.
Mommy! Mommy! You can't go! I can't sleep here, its too scary!
Gather pink (blanket), baby and Uniqua (Backyardigan). Hold hands and head back down the stairs.
Daddy, I need you and Mommy to keep me safe.
Climb in bed and cover up. Snuggle close and whisper goodnight.
Mommy, hold my hand. I need you to hold my hand!
Hold hands against the Sea Witch. Drift off to sleep hand in hand.
Listen to a quiet whisper,
Thank you, Mommy. I love you more.....
Mommmmmyyyyyy!
It sounds like its coming from a tunnel, but know its much closer. The fog of sleep fades and realization creeps in....it's happened again....ANOTHER NIGHTMARE. Rip the covers off, run up the stairs.
The Sea Witch, Mommy! She has Ursula and Sleeping Beauty! She is going to get me, too! Help me, Mommy! Help me!
Wipe her sweet, sweaty face. Rub her back and kiss her cheek.
Mommy! Mommy! You can't go! I can't sleep here, its too scary!
Gather pink (blanket), baby and Uniqua (Backyardigan). Hold hands and head back down the stairs.
Daddy, I need you and Mommy to keep me safe.
Climb in bed and cover up. Snuggle close and whisper goodnight.
Mommy, hold my hand. I need you to hold my hand!
Hold hands against the Sea Witch. Drift off to sleep hand in hand.
Listen to a quiet whisper,
Thank you, Mommy. I love you more.....
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Fifty on Fifty (Shades of Grey)
Disclaimer: This post is for those of you reading or who have read the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy. It is not to be viewed by anyone who holds me in high esteem. However, if you read my blog frequently you probably don't anyway, so go for it! If you are related to me by marriage, pass me in the hallway at work or don't know what "100 Proof" means you may also want to abstain. You have been warned...
Monkey Momma's Fifty Musings on Fifty (Shades of Grey)
1. Two people can have conversations consisting only of muttering.
2. No woman should ever allow a man to pull her blue string.
3. Chins can sustain a lot of abuse.
4. .... so can other body parts.
5. O's can happen upon your partners demand ?!
6. Addressing your spouse/partner/submissive or dominant as Mr. or Mrs. is just creepy.
7. Never distract anyone heading to the rest room at a masquerade ball- you never know what kind of business they have to take care of.
8. This guy should not play Christian in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie.
9. Relationships should not involve contracts.
10. "Fuckery" is a pastime, but is not acknowledged by spell check.
11. Never pee before sex.
12. Lawn boy and sex slave= two for one deal
13. Always wear your Walmart skirt to important meetings it could lead to a life of wealth and luxury.
14. Hire people to wash your butt plugs.
15. Never check any of the books in the trilogy out of the library. You don't know where they have been.
16. Ties do not only adorn necks.
17. Don't touch anything in an elevator without rubber gloves.
18. Drunk dials can get you far.
19. Women with inner goddesses find stalker behavior hot.
20. Morning breath, shmorning breath!
21. Doctor/patient confidentiality covers sadomasochism.
22. Spend the night with a guy you hardly know after a night of drinking and vomiting and turn him on by using his toothbrush the next day!
23. Set your hard limits right away.
24. Fur gloves are not just for mascots.
25. Virgins love rough sex.
26. Never enter a bedroom painted red.
27. All indecent proposals should include clothing, waxing and food allowances- a girls gotta live!
28. What is vanilla for some is chocolate fudge brownie for others!
29. This song should be on the soundtrack.
30. Sit on your hands if your palms are twitching.
31. Stop isn't good enough- pick a safe word.
32. Asses can be trained.
33. In relations to cars, fucking can be used as a verb and an adjective.
34. Riding crops are not just for stables.
35. No Birds and Bees nearby? Hit up the hardware store.
36. Do not buy your mother this book.
37. A piano can hold the weight of two people.
38. Breast feeding has got nothing on nipple clamps.
39. The writing in these books is more painful than the sex.
40. Thought that guy at the coffeshop was gay? Nah, he probably just doesn't want to share his dominant lifestyle with you.
41. Some torture with whips and chains while the rest of us go to work to get our fix.
42. This should not be an audiobook.
43. Correct grammar and excellent writing are not needed to be a New York Times Bestseller.
44. Mental casting the movie eases the pain of doing laundry and scrubbing the toilet.
45. Lip biting and eye rolling are punishable offenses.
46. The books need a warning label.
47. Vampires and werewolves are so 2005.
48. To do lists should include googling submissive and schizophrenia.
49. Always clean your plate, but you can waste wine or ice cream!
50. What turns women on at 22: Wealthy, control-freak bad boy who likes S&M
What turns women on at 32: A man who brushes his teeth before kissing you in the A.M., puts
his dirty clothes in the hamper and doesn't complain about your book light keeping him awake
because he is too busy snoring over on his side of the bed.
Now that I wasted my day coming up with 50 thoughts on the book I am going to link up with the hangout grid at yeah write. At least then I know some of the awesome bloggers there will read my mindless banter....
Monkey Momma's Fifty Musings on Fifty (Shades of Grey)
1. Two people can have conversations consisting only of muttering.
2. No woman should ever allow a man to pull her blue string.
3. Chins can sustain a lot of abuse.
4. .... so can other body parts.
5. O's can happen upon your partners demand ?!
6. Addressing your spouse/partner/submissive or dominant as Mr. or Mrs. is just creepy.
7. Never distract anyone heading to the rest room at a masquerade ball- you never know what kind of business they have to take care of.
8. This guy should not play Christian in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie.
9. Relationships should not involve contracts.
10. "Fuckery" is a pastime, but is not acknowledged by spell check.
11. Never pee before sex.
12. Lawn boy and sex slave= two for one deal
13. Always wear your Walmart skirt to important meetings it could lead to a life of wealth and luxury.
14. Hire people to wash your butt plugs.
15. Never check any of the books in the trilogy out of the library. You don't know where they have been.
16. Ties do not only adorn necks.
17. Don't touch anything in an elevator without rubber gloves.
18. Drunk dials can get you far.
19. Women with inner goddesses find stalker behavior hot.
20. Morning breath, shmorning breath!
21. Doctor/patient confidentiality covers sadomasochism.
22. Spend the night with a guy you hardly know after a night of drinking and vomiting and turn him on by using his toothbrush the next day!
23. Set your hard limits right away.
24. Fur gloves are not just for mascots.
25. Virgins love rough sex.
26. Never enter a bedroom painted red.
27. All indecent proposals should include clothing, waxing and food allowances- a girls gotta live!
28. What is vanilla for some is chocolate fudge brownie for others!
29. This song should be on the soundtrack.
30. Sit on your hands if your palms are twitching.
31. Stop isn't good enough- pick a safe word.
32. Asses can be trained.
33. In relations to cars, fucking can be used as a verb and an adjective.
34. Riding crops are not just for stables.
35. No Birds and Bees nearby? Hit up the hardware store.
36. Do not buy your mother this book.
37. A piano can hold the weight of two people.
38. Breast feeding has got nothing on nipple clamps.
39. The writing in these books is more painful than the sex.
40. Thought that guy at the coffeshop was gay? Nah, he probably just doesn't want to share his dominant lifestyle with you.
41. Some torture with whips and chains while the rest of us go to work to get our fix.
42. This should not be an audiobook.
43. Correct grammar and excellent writing are not needed to be a New York Times Bestseller.
44. Mental casting the movie eases the pain of doing laundry and scrubbing the toilet.
45. Lip biting and eye rolling are punishable offenses.
46. The books need a warning label.
47. Vampires and werewolves are so 2005.
48. To do lists should include googling submissive and schizophrenia.
49. Always clean your plate, but you can waste wine or ice cream!
50. What turns women on at 22: Wealthy, control-freak bad boy who likes S&M
What turns women on at 32: A man who brushes his teeth before kissing you in the A.M., puts
his dirty clothes in the hamper and doesn't complain about your book light keeping him awake
because he is too busy snoring over on his side of the bed.
Now that I wasted my day coming up with 50 thoughts on the book I am going to link up with the hangout grid at yeah write. At least then I know some of the awesome bloggers there will read my mindless banter....
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