A quest for validation

You are a good mother! Your children will be happy, healthy, successful adults!   This is the mantra I must sometimes repeat in my head and by sometimes I mean no less than 372 times a day.   Before becoming a parent I had never felt such self-doubt about my abilities, actions or decisions.  Now, I feel this on a daily basis.  Worrying about what everyone from family to people I pass on the street think of my parenting ability has put me on an uphill climb towards the holy land known as "mothering perfection". Is there truly any such thing? Here's a glimpse of a few things I worry about...

Health- Who saw me carrying that Happy Meal in my house?
Does D's preschool teacher think her lunch is healthy and well-balanced? Do I get extra points for her heart-shaped sandwich?
Should I call the pediatrician about that rash or will I become that annoying parent who calls about everything?  Is it even a rash?


Appearance- Do people wonder why D's hair is never brushed? Do they understand I literally cannot brush the kids hair unless she is asleep.
Yes, D is wearing bunny ears, a nightgown and rain boots but everyone knows I let her pick out her own clothes today, right?  
Can anyone see that pinhole- sized formula stain on S's onesie? 

Behavior- Do others think they my children are smart, respectful, funny and kind? If not, why? 
Should D be able to write her name, put on her socks, wipe her bottom at age 3? Do people wonder why I haven't taught her these things?
Why hasn't S met every 1 month milestone in the What to Expect the First Year? Am I giving up quality time with her to sleep 4-5 hours a night?

General Craziness- Does that lady in the checkout line next to me think I am  cheap because I am buying store-brand formula?  And or is she disappointed in me because I don't breastfeed?
Should I really get a sitter? Will people think I am pawning my kids off on to someone else so I can drink beer and eat nachos with fellow adults once every 3 months? 
Should I have skipped my shower today for that extra 20 minutes with my girls?

After reading this you may be thinking "Who cares what everyone else thinks? How petty and insecure of you, MonkeyMomma!" and/ or "Wow! MonkeyMomma is a little crazy and would probably benefit from some meds."  Excellent psychoanalysis and you are probably right.  That aside, I pour my heart and soul into the role of mommy and am not ashamed to admit that I occasionally need validation. I am fortunate to have an amazing husband and two sweet girls who show me everyday how much they love and appreciate me (and vice versa).  But, that silly, uncertain part of me is waiting for others to say "Yes! You are amazing!".  So while I wait for that pat on the back from the outside world to confirm that my kids are turning out okay I'm going to go hug my little ones.  You know, the ones who are still confident enough to not care what anyone else thinks. 


This week I am linking up to my new addiction, a site called yeah write which showcases bloggers. Check out the great posts and vote for your favorites! 

A pictoral debut...

This picture can best be explained with the following caption:

"Reason #42 three year olds don't make the best babysitters (even for a 30 second bathroom trip)."

Other amusing captions created at the expense of my children:

"Sydney's Elton John starter kit!"

"Delaney's humble beginnings as a costumer."

"My futures so bright, I gotta wear shades!"

"These are the same glasses my Mom wore on her 21st birthday! She thought they were funny then too!"

"I am waiting for someone to fan me with grape leaves and feed me bon-bons."

"Well, hello daaaahhhhling!"

"Really?!? You guys think this is funny?  Imagine how you would feel if someone put sunglasses on you and you had no motor skills to remove them.  Would that be funny to you?"

"If you know my Mimi, then you can guess who bought these glasses!"

"Being a big sister is so cool, you get to totally embarass your younger sibling!"

 

...and I'm back...

The MonkeyMomma household grew by one on March 9th when we welcomed Sydney Marie.  For our family this means a little less sleep, lots of diapers, a general state of controlled chaos and a lot more love in our house.  Lucky for you this means more blog material.   For those of you whom feel obligated to read because we are related and/or  because I send you the link and will ask you if you read I apologize in advance.  However, please note, I  have no plans to release you from your reading responsibilities and expect to discuss this post at length at during our next conversation (don't worry I will call you!).

My nightstand is littered with pieces of paper capturing funny things that have happened during the day.  Not blogging for a few months means the nightstand looks a bit more like the desk of Taylor Swift trying to write a decent song.  Here are a few of my favorites.  

Proof that 3 year olds have all the answers
 Me: D you have your shoes on the wrong feet.
 D (very exasperated): Mom, I know!  I want to walk like a duck today!

A strange and impossible injury
Delaney comes home from school with a note that says she is complaining about hurting her "berhind"  (Not a typo, Delaney is insistent that "behind" has an r.) When I ask her what is wrong she says "Mommy, my berhind really hurts! I put my knee in it at naptime".  Huh?!?  Maybe there should be a little more supervision at naptime because my child was performing some contortionist-type acts and I think a spotter is required.

Another reason I see akward parent/teacher conferences in my future.
Delaney shares with us that she went to time out at school and when asked why she responded, "I couldn't pick up the toys because I was having contractions." I bet her teachers had the same look on their face as the pizza delivery guy did that time she opened the door naked....


One big boost of self-esteem
D steps on the scale in the bathroom and I tell her she weighs 30 pounds.  Sweetly she asks "Mommy do you weigh 30 pounds?".  I respond "No, I weigh a little more than that."  She looks at me for a minute and says "Is it because you have a fat belly?".
Note: I was not pregnant at the time of this conversation  


A failed lesson
I overheard D playing with two dolls and talking about one of them being "dead".  This really bothered me and I stopped her and explained this was not a nice way to play.  I should have stopped there, but why would I do that?  I  asked if she knew what "dead" meant and she said no but they say it on "The Muppets" (yes, we force our child to watch shows we loved as children).  Then she asks "What does it mean, Mommy?".   Okay, time to step up and teach a life lesson.  The conversation went like this:

Me: "When something is dead its not here anymore."
D: "Oh, so my Daddy is dead!"
Me: "What?!? No!?!?  He is at the store and will be back in a few minutes! When someone is dead they are not here anymore and we won't see them ever again."
D: "So when he comes back he won't be dead anymore?"
Me: "No, he is not dead! Please don't say that."
D: "Can I go play now?"
And leave me to figure out how to fix the mess I just made?  Yes, please do!  

Now I know why my Mom bought us books about every life event- death, sex, puberty- it's much easier to explain things with pictures.

Big sister thoughts
Many people have asked what Delaney things of being a big sister and honestly she appears to love it!  She has been the sweetest, most loving big sister ever since she arrived.  She has also had some funny observations and comments about Syd.  Here are a few:

- "When is Sydney going to stop looking like a boy?"
-"Mom!  Her cheek is leaking!"- a comment made after Sydney spit up.
-"Please don't play baby music for Sydney.  She only likes Michael Jackson!"
-"Mmm! Sydney smells good!"  What does she smell like? "Skin!"


Welcome back, my friends!  It won't be so long before I strike again- I promise!

P.S.  Check out this blog written by a friend of ours, he has some great stories but this particular one details a conversation between him and Adam about a week before Sydney's arrival.  

Random thoughts and moments in the life Goodwin

-If you currently have the ability to bend at the waist- be thankful!  For those of us who cannot, Christmas decorating is extremely difficult.

- Pregnancy exhaustion makes you do really attractive things like fall asleep sitting up in a chair at 8:30 PM on a Saturday night (date night) with drool hanging from your wide-open mouth.

-Pregnancy "brain" makes you do really ridiculous things like teach your Kindergarten class that George Washington is on the nickel, throw your jewelry in the trash and put your trash on your nightstand and forget the name of common objects like fork or spoon. 

-Nesting for me = crawling on the floor picking up miniscule specks of dirt the vacuum missed and an  obsession with bleach.

-It is possible to remove the roll from toilet paper rolls completely intact- just as Delaney.

-Having a toddler who thinks they have a baby in their belly too leads to interesting conversation at daycare.

-The age of 3 is certainly challenging and I have to frequently remind myself that Delaney is 3, not 14.  I commented on this out to dinner the other night by saying to my hubby "I'm not so sure I like the age of 3." To which Delaney responded, "Well, that's a problem!".

-Santa is a confusing concept to a 3yr old.  Delaney is a bit scared by the man with a big white beard who is always watching her.  Tonight before bed she whispers to me "Mommy, Santa was here!  Look at my dresser- he stole my jewelry box!".  Oops! I put the jewelry box in the closet to make room for something else on her dresser.  I'll let the man in the red suit take the blame for now.  He's going to get all the credit for the great gifts I bought so it's only fair :)

Outsmarted

Why do we say "no'? Sometimes out of necessity, but sometimes out of habit.  Its almost like a reflex. Your child opens their mouth and out flies "NO!".  It comes out before we have even fully thought out or even created a defense for the answer.  This story is  a perfect case in point of why as parents we should always think before we say no.  Have a good reason for giving it or you may just be outsmarted.  Thanks to my mouth for working before my brain and spitting out "NO!" I was outsmarted by my child just shy of her 3rd birthday. 

Monkey "Can I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast?"
Me: "NO!  We don't eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast!" (Really!?! Why not?? Is that a law?) 
Monkey: "What can I have?"
Me: "Cereal, waffles, muffins, toast."
Monkey: "Toast?"
Me: "Sure, toast is a great breakfast choice!"
Monkey: "Toast with jelly?"
Me (in my brain) "OH CRAP!" and then out loud "Suuuuurrrreeee."
Monkey: "Could I have toast with peanut butter on it?"
Me: "Weeeeeelllll, you could."

Hmm...did you figure out where this is going. At this point in the story I started to take the peanut butter, jelly and bread out of the cabinet in preparation for the best pb and j my child will probably ever eat.  

Monkey, in her best 15yr. old voice: "So Mom,  if I have peanut butter and toast and I can have jelly and toast, can I have peanut butter and jelly on toast?"
Me, with a resigned sigh: "Sure, kiddo.  I am making it right now."

Why I said no to pb &j for breakfast is beyond me.  Look at her rationale- it makes perfect sense.  We do eat peanut butter or jelly on toast and there was no reason she could not have the two together for breakfast, except that my Mommy brain was set on "NO!".

Note to self: Think before you speak and have that defense prepared unless you want to continue to feel as if your child is smarter than you.



“Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?”  Jon Stewart