A pictoral debut...

This picture can best be explained with the following caption:

"Reason #42 three year olds don't make the best babysitters (even for a 30 second bathroom trip)."

Other amusing captions created at the expense of my children:

"Sydney's Elton John starter kit!"

"Delaney's humble beginnings as a costumer."

"My futures so bright, I gotta wear shades!"

"These are the same glasses my Mom wore on her 21st birthday! She thought they were funny then too!"

"I am waiting for someone to fan me with grape leaves and feed me bon-bons."

"Well, hello daaaahhhhling!"

"Really?!? You guys think this is funny?  Imagine how you would feel if someone put sunglasses on you and you had no motor skills to remove them.  Would that be funny to you?"

"If you know my Mimi, then you can guess who bought these glasses!"

"Being a big sister is so cool, you get to totally embarass your younger sibling!"

 

...and I'm back...

The MonkeyMomma household grew by one on March 9th when we welcomed Sydney Marie.  For our family this means a little less sleep, lots of diapers, a general state of controlled chaos and a lot more love in our house.  Lucky for you this means more blog material.   For those of you whom feel obligated to read because we are related and/or  because I send you the link and will ask you if you read I apologize in advance.  However, please note, I  have no plans to release you from your reading responsibilities and expect to discuss this post at length at during our next conversation (don't worry I will call you!).

My nightstand is littered with pieces of paper capturing funny things that have happened during the day.  Not blogging for a few months means the nightstand looks a bit more like the desk of Taylor Swift trying to write a decent song.  Here are a few of my favorites.  

Proof that 3 year olds have all the answers
 Me: D you have your shoes on the wrong feet.
 D (very exasperated): Mom, I know!  I want to walk like a duck today!

A strange and impossible injury
Delaney comes home from school with a note that says she is complaining about hurting her "berhind"  (Not a typo, Delaney is insistent that "behind" has an r.) When I ask her what is wrong she says "Mommy, my berhind really hurts! I put my knee in it at naptime".  Huh?!?  Maybe there should be a little more supervision at naptime because my child was performing some contortionist-type acts and I think a spotter is required.

Another reason I see akward parent/teacher conferences in my future.
Delaney shares with us that she went to time out at school and when asked why she responded, "I couldn't pick up the toys because I was having contractions." I bet her teachers had the same look on their face as the pizza delivery guy did that time she opened the door naked....


One big boost of self-esteem
D steps on the scale in the bathroom and I tell her she weighs 30 pounds.  Sweetly she asks "Mommy do you weigh 30 pounds?".  I respond "No, I weigh a little more than that."  She looks at me for a minute and says "Is it because you have a fat belly?".
Note: I was not pregnant at the time of this conversation  


A failed lesson
I overheard D playing with two dolls and talking about one of them being "dead".  This really bothered me and I stopped her and explained this was not a nice way to play.  I should have stopped there, but why would I do that?  I  asked if she knew what "dead" meant and she said no but they say it on "The Muppets" (yes, we force our child to watch shows we loved as children).  Then she asks "What does it mean, Mommy?".   Okay, time to step up and teach a life lesson.  The conversation went like this:

Me: "When something is dead its not here anymore."
D: "Oh, so my Daddy is dead!"
Me: "What?!? No!?!?  He is at the store and will be back in a few minutes! When someone is dead they are not here anymore and we won't see them ever again."
D: "So when he comes back he won't be dead anymore?"
Me: "No, he is not dead! Please don't say that."
D: "Can I go play now?"
And leave me to figure out how to fix the mess I just made?  Yes, please do!  

Now I know why my Mom bought us books about every life event- death, sex, puberty- it's much easier to explain things with pictures.

Big sister thoughts
Many people have asked what Delaney things of being a big sister and honestly she appears to love it!  She has been the sweetest, most loving big sister ever since she arrived.  She has also had some funny observations and comments about Syd.  Here are a few:

- "When is Sydney going to stop looking like a boy?"
-"Mom!  Her cheek is leaking!"- a comment made after Sydney spit up.
-"Please don't play baby music for Sydney.  She only likes Michael Jackson!"
-"Mmm! Sydney smells good!"  What does she smell like? "Skin!"


Welcome back, my friends!  It won't be so long before I strike again- I promise!

P.S.  Check out this blog written by a friend of ours, he has some great stories but this particular one details a conversation between him and Adam about a week before Sydney's arrival.  

Random thoughts and moments in the life Goodwin

-If you currently have the ability to bend at the waist- be thankful!  For those of us who cannot, Christmas decorating is extremely difficult.

- Pregnancy exhaustion makes you do really attractive things like fall asleep sitting up in a chair at 8:30 PM on a Saturday night (date night) with drool hanging from your wide-open mouth.

-Pregnancy "brain" makes you do really ridiculous things like teach your Kindergarten class that George Washington is on the nickel, throw your jewelry in the trash and put your trash on your nightstand and forget the name of common objects like fork or spoon. 

-Nesting for me = crawling on the floor picking up miniscule specks of dirt the vacuum missed and an  obsession with bleach.

-It is possible to remove the roll from toilet paper rolls completely intact- just as Delaney.

-Having a toddler who thinks they have a baby in their belly too leads to interesting conversation at daycare.

-The age of 3 is certainly challenging and I have to frequently remind myself that Delaney is 3, not 14.  I commented on this out to dinner the other night by saying to my hubby "I'm not so sure I like the age of 3." To which Delaney responded, "Well, that's a problem!".

-Santa is a confusing concept to a 3yr old.  Delaney is a bit scared by the man with a big white beard who is always watching her.  Tonight before bed she whispers to me "Mommy, Santa was here!  Look at my dresser- he stole my jewelry box!".  Oops! I put the jewelry box in the closet to make room for something else on her dresser.  I'll let the man in the red suit take the blame for now.  He's going to get all the credit for the great gifts I bought so it's only fair :)

Outsmarted

Why do we say "no'? Sometimes out of necessity, but sometimes out of habit.  Its almost like a reflex. Your child opens their mouth and out flies "NO!".  It comes out before we have even fully thought out or even created a defense for the answer.  This story is  a perfect case in point of why as parents we should always think before we say no.  Have a good reason for giving it or you may just be outsmarted.  Thanks to my mouth for working before my brain and spitting out "NO!" I was outsmarted by my child just shy of her 3rd birthday. 

Monkey "Can I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast?"
Me: "NO!  We don't eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast!" (Really!?! Why not?? Is that a law?) 
Monkey: "What can I have?"
Me: "Cereal, waffles, muffins, toast."
Monkey: "Toast?"
Me: "Sure, toast is a great breakfast choice!"
Monkey: "Toast with jelly?"
Me (in my brain) "OH CRAP!" and then out loud "Suuuuurrrreeee."
Monkey: "Could I have toast with peanut butter on it?"
Me: "Weeeeeelllll, you could."

Hmm...did you figure out where this is going. At this point in the story I started to take the peanut butter, jelly and bread out of the cabinet in preparation for the best pb and j my child will probably ever eat.  

Monkey, in her best 15yr. old voice: "So Mom,  if I have peanut butter and toast and I can have jelly and toast, can I have peanut butter and jelly on toast?"
Me, with a resigned sigh: "Sure, kiddo.  I am making it right now."

Why I said no to pb &j for breakfast is beyond me.  Look at her rationale- it makes perfect sense.  We do eat peanut butter or jelly on toast and there was no reason she could not have the two together for breakfast, except that my Mommy brain was set on "NO!".

Note to self: Think before you speak and have that defense prepared unless you want to continue to feel as if your child is smarter than you.



“Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?”  Jon Stewart

Pregnancy Round 2

Monkey Momma Revelations 13 weeks into "Pregnancy Round 2".

1.  The need to clean and organize is extreme.  In the past week, I have created a picture-based organization system for the toys and tupperware, spent an hour putting away groceries and "rotating stock" in the refrigerator and cleaned my couches by hand with the 2 inch wide brush attachment of my steam cleaner. 

2. Your body does not forget what it means to be pregnant and loves to show it off.  In other words, you have more morning sickness, your belly starts to stick out sooner, the need to pee is more frequent and your back starts to ache sooner.

3. The 1st trimester is much easier when you only have to take care of yourself.  The 2nd time around your monkey watches a little more TV than you may be proud of, the laundry you put in the washer but forgot about becomes moldy and "dinner" becomes whatever you can put together in under 10 minutes. 

4. The creator of prenatal vitamins is a masochist.  This is why he created these large pills for  you to choke down only to feel sick two minutes later from taking them.

5.  You feel guilty and worry that you won't have quite as much time to spend with your monkey when a new little one arrives. You lavish so much attention on them now that they roll their eyes after the 78th hug and kiss of the day. 

6.  People automatically think that you are hoping for the opposite sex of your first child.  Truly, I am hoping for a happy, healthy baby who doesn't inherit my frizzy hair.

7.  You wonder how you are going to do it all....at least 1,354,629 times a day.

8.  Pregnancy 1- "I don't even miss drinking!"
     Pregnancy 2- "I could use a tequila shot!"

9.  Crying over all things ridiculous is okay and to be expected.   For example, I cried this week because Delaney was invited to her first school friend birthday party.  This was a monumentous "big girl" event for me.  Delaney just wanted to know if they were going to have a princess birthday cake. 

10. You are working at about 50% brainpower.  This week I fed the dog a prenatal vitamin instead of her pill.  I have no clue how she choked it down, but her fur is nice and shiny!

11. You tear up (yup, another reason to cry) when you recall all those sweet moments you share with a newborn baby and wish you could speed the pregnancy calendar up a little. 


Disclaimer: Don't freak out people! I am THRILLED to be pregnant for the 2nd time! The intent of this post  is not to discourage someone from having a 2nd child or to complain about being pregnant- this is simply my comedic relief in regards to the quirks of pregnancy.  I cannot wait to welcome a new little monkey to the world March 2012! 

"Zzzzzz"

What is it that causes a tired child to become a wild child?  When Delaney is overly tired she becomes insane.  We recently went to Dutch Wonderland and she was awake the entire hour trip up, 7 hours of park time and hour trip home.  When we got home the theme of the night was "chill out".  She was so tired, but fighting sleep every step of the way.  By 7:30 she was literally running in circles around our kitchen island bumping into cabinets and laughing a slightly psychotic laugh.  We have seen this second wind before and it usually ends in disaster (i.e. boo-boos, tears, broken toys and general destruction. 

Operation Get In Bed begins....

After a bath and a story and the requests of 700 unnecessary items in her bed (a bucket, a tiara and a firetruck to name a few), I turned out the light, turned on Laurie Berkener (our savior) and said "Goodnight!".  Then the screams began. Big, giant sobs destined to break any mother's heart.  When I return to the room Delaney tells me she can't sleep without me.  Now,  I have gotten in the toddler bed but the noises it makes when I do so are kind of scary so I lay on the floor next to the bed.  This seemed to make her happy for a few minutes.  Then, she asked me to hold her hand.  So for the next 40 minutes I laid on the floor (using a stuffed animal for a pillow), reaching my arm up over the side of the bed and held my little girls hand.  I tried to sneak out a few times, but each time her sweaty, little hand grabbed on a little tighter and she said "Please don't leave, Mommy!".   And I wouldn't.  There was no way I was letting go of my sweet little girls hand until she was ready.  At that moment, I realized just how much I love my little monkey and what an amazing bond we have.  While I am not religious, I do know that I am blessed.....and thankful!

Giving Eleanor, Rosa and Eva a run for their money

Okay, name me some headstrong women in history....Susan B. Anthony, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Eleanor Roosevelt,  Rosa Parks, Eva Peron...  Guess what ladies? You have nothing on my monkey.  I promise you she can run circles around your willful ways.  Here are some examples:

1. Me: "Delaney, you have to wear your shoes to walk on the sand at the beach because its hot."
Delaney: "It's not hot!" as she kicks off her shoes and walks towards the dunes with no shoes on.
5 steps later she turns around and says "Mommy, get your shoes on because this sand is really hot!" and puts her shoes on.

2.  On a playdate today Delaney announces she is going upstairs to get chips. I tell her that her friend will have to go home if she goes upstairs as we are playing downstairs.  She walks over to the corner of the room for a minute to think.  A few minutes later she comes back and says to me like I am incredibly silly "Mommy,  we don't need chips we have our imaginations!".

3.  After 15 minutes of begging, pleading and bribery I decided it wasn't that important for Delaney to wear clothing.  It just wasn't worth the struggle.  When I give up she looks at me and says "Mommy, you gotta get me dressed I can't just be naked in here!".

4.  Delaney recently made a decision to stop saying the "y" or "ie" sound at the end of all words.
To name a few: Mommy= Mom

Daddy= Dad
Mimi= Mim (pronounced "meem")
potty= pot
Chloe - Chlo (rhymes with glow)
 When I correct her (i.e. "It's potteee"), she says "Yeah, Mom! Pot." Fine, I give up!

The official definition of headstrong is:  determined to have one's own way; willful; stubborn; obstinate.  While it may be a trait in my 2 1/2 yr. old which makes me crazy, at times,  I guarantee no one is going to get one over on her later in life and that makes me proud :) 

Teacher friends, can't you just see her report card comments now?