Pee me a river

I have no complaints about potty training.  It has been a smooth, easy process in our house.   I mean of course I knew there would be some accidents but today there was an accident of epic proportions.

We are in Barnes and Nobles Children's section looking at books and having a great time.  Delaney starts to play on the storytime stage with a few other children.  She is having a great time singing and dancing and then I hear it- the gasp of the snooty mom in a scarf (seriously?!? the heat index was 102 today, lady!) pushing the $500 stroller.  I slowly follow her evil eye to Delaney and AHHHH!  Delaney is standing in the middle of the stage peeing a river.  Uh oh!  I run to her and try to  convince her to stop- no luck (are you surprised? I mean really who stops in the middle of peeing?) .  Then I just wait it out as "scarf and friends" stare at us whispering in dismay.  No offer of help, no sympathetic looks.  I mean really, could I get a tissue or something? Once she is done I scoop Delaney up and haul her off to the car before I get into a mom fight with "scarf and friends".  On our way out I kindly stop at the information desk and let them know there was a "small potty accident on the storytime stage".  I didn't tell them they would probably need a wet vac and scuba gear, but that's a minor detail.  I trudge across the parking lot carrying my soaking wet child who is only more than happy to share the wealth with me and my entire side is pee-soaked by the time we get to the car.  We drove home in in pee-covered silence making a pit stop to get Chik-Fil-A milkshakes before coming home to delouse.   As I go to take D out of the car she looks at me sincerely and says "I'm your daughter and I love your soooooo much, Mommy!". 

That's all she needed to say.  The slate is clean my monkey, I will be eagerly awaiting tomorrow's embarrassment be it temper tantrum, slip of tongue or river of urine. 

Lessons Learned

A brief summary of the lessons learned on our 10 day vacation...

1.  Public restrooms should be renamed "Please Touch Museum" for newly potty trained two year olds. 

2. My monkey is easier to potty train than my dog.  6 years later and my dog still pees in the house, yet Delaney is more than willing to pee outside after having to once (there was nowhere else to go!!).  Case in point- she eagerly pulled down her pants and peed in our backyard while playing outside today.

3.  Sleeping in a strange place leads to bedtime temper tantrums for children and sleeping on the floor for parents.

4.  The sound of someone chewing on sand is worse than nails on a chalkboard.  

5.  The songs in Disney movies are no longer cute when you cannot escape the confines of the car in which they are being played.

6.  It is possible for a human to become a pack mule in order to minimize the number of trips from car to beach.

7.  Children under the age of 10 should only ever be taken to restaurants with characters... thanks Mako Mike's! 

8.  Bribery is not all wrong.  Particularly if you want to eat, sleep and/or maintain sanity.